The Declaration of Independence: Brainrot Edition

So when it’s time for a squad to ghost from another squad and be on their sigma grindset because it’s their right, they gotta spill the rizz on why they’re bouncing.

Fr, no cap, we stan that everyone’s born with equal rizz, and they got rights that can’t be yeeted, like living their best life, being free, and chasing that happiness skibidi bop.

To keep the vibes high, we got governments, but they only get their rizz from us letting them have it.

And if the government starts acting like it’s from Ohio, it’s our right to yeet it and make a new one that’s gonna secure our safety and happiness with mad rizz.

But like, changing up the government for petty reasons is not the move. History shows people will deal with a lot of BS before they decide to change things up.

However, when there’s a whole mess of sus behavior and power trips, making life hella cringe, it’s not just our right but our duty to cancel that government and set up something better to secure our future.

That’s basically where we’re at now. The Colonies have been putting up with a lot of cringe, and it’s time to switch things up. The current British King has been super toxic, always trying to control us and ruin our vibe. Here’s the tea:

He’s been like, “Nah,” to laws that we actually need.

He’s ghosting our governors, not letting them pass urgent laws unless he gives the okay, and then totally ignoring them.

He’s only willing to pass laws if we give up our right to representation, which is totally sus and only something a tyrant would want.

He’s been making our lawmakers meet in weird, far-off places to wear them down and make them do what he wants.

When our reps stand up to his BS, he just shuts them down.

After shutting them down, he won’t let us elect new ones, leaving us in chaos and vulnerable to attacks.

He’s been blocking new people from coming here and making it hard for us to expand.

He’s been messing with our justice system, not letting us set up our own courts.

He’s made judges rely on him for their jobs and pay, so they’re basically his puppets.

He’s created a bunch of new positions and sent a ton of officials to hassle us and take our stuff.

He’s keeping armies here in peacetime without our okay.

He’s making the military more powerful than our own governments.

He’s teaming up with others to control us with rules that aren’t ours, agreeing to fake laws like:

Making us house a bunch of soldiers:

Letting them get away with murder through sham trials:

Blocking our trade with everyone else:

Taxing us without asking:

Taking away our right to fair trials:

Shipping us off to be tried for fake crimes:

Getting rid of English laws nearby, setting up a tyrannical government, and making it bigger to push the same absolute control on us:

Taking away our charters, getting rid of our best laws, and totally changing our governments:

Shutting down our legislatures and acting like they can make all the rules for us.

He’s ditched governing us, declared we’re not under his protection, and started a war against us.

He’s stolen from our seas, wrecked our coasts, burned our towns, and ruined our lives.

He’s bringing in foreign soldiers to finish off his killing spree, spreading death, destruction, and tyranny with cruelty that’s next level, totally not what a civilized leader should do.

He’s forced our captured citizens to fight against us, making them either kill their friends and family or be killed.

He’s stirred up drama and chaos among us, trying to bring in people to fight us who don’t care who they hurt, young or old, male or female, whatever.

Every time we’ve tried to complain and ask nicely for change, he’s just hit us with more abuse. A dude who acts like this is just a tyrant and has no right to rule free people.

We haven’t been ignoring our British homies either. We’ve warned them about what’s going down, reminded them why we came here, and asked them to stop these sus moves. But they’ve ignored us too. So, we gotta do what we gotta do and see them as enemies in war but friends in peace.

So, we the reps of the United States, in General Congress, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rightness of our intentions, do, in the Name and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly drop the mic and declare: These United Colonies are, and should be, Free and Independent States; they are totally free from any loyalty to the British Crown, and all political ties with Britain are yeeted. As Free and Independent States, we got the full rizz to make war, peace, alliances, trade, and do whatever independent states do. For the support of this Declaration, we pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor, with max rizz and no cap.